I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
