jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
