i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
