next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
