Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
