Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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