thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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