remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
