fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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