You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
