So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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