I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
