Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wow bdsm is so cute
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
