You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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