is your mom at the bar?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
