hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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