Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
