part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
