I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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