I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
