dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
