We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
