so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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