did you get engaged???
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize