And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
