May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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