maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
