i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have post one night stand depression
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