bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
