I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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