My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
