I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
