you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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