I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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