Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize