Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM VODKA MAN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
