When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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