I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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