I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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