Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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