My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
