Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
