I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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