Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
