What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
