Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
