Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm passing your future prison.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
