THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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