you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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