i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
is it fun? or sober?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
