I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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