Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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