i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
