i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
