I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
