The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
