Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
