i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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