A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
