She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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