Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
