SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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