My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
