his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
