How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
