pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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