I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
