He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want a musical about memes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
