I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize